The Human Chameleon

Theme Song: Times, by Tenth Avenue North

Theme Passage: Psalm 91

My wife posted a bunch of pictures of our twins (Jonah and Leila). There was one in particular where they’re looking at their new pet fish in their fish bowl. I just realized how much I miss them and how much they’ve changed since I saw them last. It’s heartbreaking to know that I’m missing out on so much that they’re experiencing while they’re living there in the States. I’m not complaining about being over here, being deployed, serving our country, it’s just heart wrenching to see them not necessarily grow up, but grow so much without me being there. I miss being a family together.

But here I am, serving overseas, with nothing but images of my wife and kids to keep me sane, and the occasional Skype experience when it isn’t making Jonah sound like a robot and Leila sound like she’s not talking at all. I’m in a land that if I were a Christian outside of these walls (or just white for that matter) I would probably die a horrible death. I’m not saying that all Afghanis are bad, but the “sore-thumb” factor would definitely rise on the enemy’s radar. And while my mission over here isn’t the toughest, nor is it the most dangerous, it’s not the kind of environment that the Christian spirit thrives in. It’s a struggle to stay sane, calm, and carry the appearance of Christ-likeness.

When I was back in the States living life, before I met my wife, I had the support group in place to live a Christ-like life. I was going to church, I would attend XA (a Christian group on college campuses all over the country), I would volunteer running a youth group sound system, and I had friends who knew the life and lived it on a day to day basis. But now I’m surrounded by almost nightly explosions near and far, a barrage of swearing, aggravations abound, and over time it just starts to wear on a person. The weekly church service which used to be just enough to make it through the week on a positive note is no long enough to fuel the God given peace that Philippians 4:7 talks about. I came to the place to where for weeks on end I was just angry with people and circumstances all around me. I would swear, get furious with a certain person (for good reason probably, but I didn’t have to get that mad), and my total moral had dropped about 3 octaves. I started to lose my Christ-likeness. If a person’s not careful, when surrounded by non-believers, they will turn into a human chameleon.

It wasn’t until I started classes up again that it all started to turn around. I was debating on whether or not to change my degree plan back to Marketing, or keep with the “Religion” degree that I started pursuing. The classes that I started taking were Intro to New Testament, and The Origins of Life. These two classes started opening my eyes again to the glorious workings of God, and Christ’s life. I was forced to get back into the Word of God and I devoted my Sundays at least to doing whatever homework I hadn’t done throughout the week. For that one day, I wouldn’t come out of my room except for maybe one meal, get my hair cut, and then back to my room. I would spend 2-3 hours just reading the weekly readings for the New Testament class which is going through the life of Jesus right now, and then the Origins of Life just helps me open my eyes to how science (when viewed through the right lenses) really does back up God’s creation and the millions of intricacies that go into everything which all balance each other out.

After starting these classes, this process of getting my mind, and most importantly my heart, back in line, my moral jumped probably 4 octaves and the anger issues had gone away. That’s not to say that I don’t have my annoyances, but I’m not walking around in this completely negative funk any longer. I’ve been listening to Christian artists like Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman, and my usual Christian Rock genre that I favor so much. I’ve also come to accept what I honestly think is my calling. I had a hunch a while ago, but I suppressed it because I didn’t think I was ready, or the right person. After talking it through with Ashley, I’ve decided to finish this degree and then move on to seminary and go through the ordination process. This future excites me. It doesn’t even mean that I have to give up anything else that I have wanted to do.

Through this entire process of declining and inclining the state of my own spirit, I can’t help but be reminded of Psalm 91. It doesn’t hide the conditions of the passage, rather it states it outright. “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High, will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” The reader can only assume that if they’re not making the effort to dwell in His presence, then the promises of the rest of the chapter won’t follow. Does this mean that God has removed Himself from your presence? No. But without being faithful in your obedience, then you’ll be living in sin. Sin is the simple state of the absence of God. No faithfulness, no peace. If there’s one thing that I know about God, is that He’s faithful with his peace. When you call on Him, He answers. When you need him, He’s there.

I thank you God if for no other reason it’s for peace. Not just any peace, but YOUR peace.