Unlikely Leaders

Theme Song: Lead Me, by Sanctus Real

Ever since we got married, I have seen God bless our lives every step of the way. Sometimes our circumstances weren’t always the best  (like eloping, or having extended periods of separation), but God has done some wonderful things in the process. Everything we have ever asked for or thought we wanted, we have received. We have been taken care of through choices in the Army that we’ve made, we wanted kids and were blessed by two of the cutest twins in the world, we wanted Germany and we got it without hesitation, the blessings can’t really even be counted. People ask how we’ve done it, my father has even commented on the fact that the military usually doesn’t work out the way it has for us. I can only thank God that life has flowed as smoothly as it has.

And now for a family man deployed to the middle of the land of Islam, I can’t help but feel bad that I’m missing out on my family’s lives. I can’t  be there for my wife to help her make tough choices with our money, I can’t be there and give her the encouraging touch when she feels like a failure, I can’t be there to just spend quality time with her lounging around at night unwinding while watching Conan O’Brian on TV.  I probably haven’t been the best leader in our family in the past as I could have been. I’m normally a quiet, laid back, timid kind of guy who is perfectly alright with letting someone else take care of certain things like talking to the waiter in a restaurant, or taking initiative when trying to communicate to people who I know speak a different language and probably know very limited English. My wife would always either beat me to the punch, or would just go ahead and do it. I know she wants me to be the man and lead us not only in the little things, but also the larger things. I’ve tried for the most part, but even I can admit when I know I haven’t been doing as much as I should, or even could. And now we’ve been discussing the future and my getting out of the military and I know that I’m really going to have to step up and take the reins more than I used to. I’m going to have to mold myself more and more into the man of God that I know I need to be.

Then there are the kids. I know they’re still young and have a very limited comprehension of what morals and ethics are, or the need for them, but I can’t help but feel like I need to be there for them, to teach them and guide them. They shouldn't have to call on other people to help provide for them, or teach them how to use the potty, or give them medicine when their ear hurts to the point of screaming. I know I’m doing what I need to do by providing for them monetarily, but during this year+, I won’t be able to see them develop. My wife keeps telling me about things that they’re doing and I just can’t believe that they’re doing so well and comprehending things that they wouldn’t have before I left. It makes me feel bad that I was so harsh with them while we were going through the nightmare at the airport on our way out of Germany so I could drop them off in California the month before I got deployed. Granted they were being terrors, our plane got cancelled and we had to get a hotel and couldn’t leave that night. Also Ash and I were both stressed to the max, but I would give an untold amount of money to go back to that very moment right now, relive it, and hopefully use retrospect to know how to make them feel better through the whole thing. I would love for the chance to be able to deal with screaming children, than be here and put up with what I call a garrison environment with mortars!

And when it comes to callings from God, have you ever noticed that it’s usually something that the person will love, but wouldn’t have really thought about doing it in a million years. It's not always the case, though. It’s going to be something that you’re good at, that you enjoy doing, but when you look at Moses’ calling, he was supposed to go up to Pharaoh, talk to him, and tell him to let all of the Israelites (the Egyptian’s entire slave workforce) go. Moses had a speech impediment. He wasn’t the smoothest of talkers. I think this illustration is why people are afraid to become Christians, because they think that God’s going to send them to China. But honestly, once you get to know the heart of God then those lost sheep in China begins to pull on your own heart and you then go from “please don’t send me,” to “I’ll go in a heartbeat, I just need the means.” It’s an inward miracle that God can change the abilities and hearts of His believers. And now He’s going to do it again. He’s going to take this introverted, not-so-smooth talking, laid back, shy shell of a man, and give me the enthusiasm to not only finish my Bachelor’s Degree, but also push me through seminary, and ordination, so that I may be his voice. God sometimes chooses the unlikely so that they will know that it’s not by our power that we’re being successful for God, but that it’s God’s power that we’re being successful for God.

God, form me and lead me to be the man that you desire me to be. Give me the abilities and help me get over myself so that I may lead not only my family, but others to you and through your will.

Bible Passage: Romans 12:1-2 “ I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”